Two Cowering Parts

"Being Punished"

Sketched May 8, 2025 @ 10:35p.m.

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May 8, 2025

Last night while trying to sleep...haha...ya...I was thinking, and my brain was all over the place (like usual) ... so, I don't know what brought these two cowering parts to my attention, but I was able to see them; the two of them holding each other, in a dark shadowy corner, terrified, crying. They are shivering, scrawny, barely dressed in grimy rags, dirty, with tangled messy hair. They've been there for a long time by the looks of them...and since I am now 50, I'd say they've been there for a very, very long time.

These two parts are the ones that come up when I hear negativity or anger in peoples' voices. Even when it is just perceived punishment; raised voice, anger, criticism, a strange look, etc., whether any of it is even directed at me or not, they are the ones that come to the front and take over. My Self begins to diminish, becoming small, hidden, quiet. I lower my gaze and turn my head away. I can feel my body getting smaller, as though I am still that tiny little girl from decades ago trying desperately to not get noticed. I change quickly from my usual happy, smiling, optimistic Self, to this tiny, morsel of a child hoping so much to just disappear.

What is very interesting is that I pictured them up under my left shoulder blade where the pain normally sits, but lately that one spot has gotten worse. This pain comes from the spine, in the T3 to T5 area, radiates all the way around, under my arm, through my left breast, and into my chest plate. But lately, the worst of it is just under the scapula in those three or so ribs, and they feel like they are being pushed out and pinching something off, sometimes while I sit wrong, but mostly when I sneeze or cough. This has been the worst pain I have had in a very long time. I am glad the pain only lasts a few minutes, but it is the most painful few minutes, and I can't do anything to make the pain stop, I just have to let it run its course.

I'm not quite sure what has triggered this new pain, but I feel that these Two Cowering Parts needed to be seen. I am currently editing My Cinderella Story Parts 1 - 3 and I think this is what has brought these two to the forefront...why they are so active right now. They are trying to get my attention, and the best way is through pain, so I believe that is where this new intensity is from. We spoke about them in Psychotherapy today and it was really good to give them space, to let them be heard. As I keep editing this book, I will share their stories and let them release the burdens they too have carried for way too long, and hope that they can finally feel free and live the lives they should have had. I wish for them to find peace, love, freedom and happiness...all the things every little child deserves to have.

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