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"It's Complicated"

Updated: May 16



Took a number of pictures of the beautiful day to share with you, and as a reminder for me of what I got to enjoy!!! :)


 

March 25, 2024


We watched this movie tonight and it triggered so many of my parts. It was a cute romance movie, and I didn't mind it for a while, until I started to see my last two long term "relationshits" in it. The main male character's behaviour was so inappropriate, and I really ended up hating that character.


So, we watched "It's Complicated" and it was cute, until it became triggering. When the two main characters Jane and her ex-husband Jake hook up, it's sort of funny-ish and almost relatable because they had such a long history together...except that he's remarried...spoiler alert...and he keeps coming back for more. It's the stalking that gets me the most though; him just showing up at her house unannounced, skulking around outside her windows watching, waiting in the dark until she is alone, inviting himself into her house, trying to screw up her chance at another relationship, making their adult children (mine was family members) side with him using crocodile tears, and, taking it upon himself to enter her room, undress and lay in her bed naked without invitation...top that off with, all while still being with his current wife, whom he cheated on his ex-wife with in the first place.


This was all major triggers for me. Both of my first two long-term abusive relationshits were like this character. The first one even started our relationshit while already in a 'committed' relationship with someone else and stayed like that for months. No matter how many times I'd try to get rid of both males they would constantly keep coming back into my life, exactly like this character, whether I wanted them there or not.


The first one, whom I call Stefan in my writing, would weasel his way back into my life, then back into my bed, and once he had his little claws back in and things were going his way, he'd begin to look for someone else...again. He did this over and over, keep me as backup until the other one didn't work out and he'd come crawling back to me again. This went on for eleven years and even after he snagged someone else, and even married her, he'd still show up at my place unannounced just trying to keep a hold on me...just in case... Years after not speaking, after his second separation, he moved to my end of the city and even volunteered at the same cat sanctuary I had volunteered at...and I know this for a fact because he sent me a Facebook message stating just that. Stalker?! I'd say so. ...this time though I had enough self-respect and boundaries to completely ignore him and didn't even respond. I haven't heard from him since, but that hasn't even been five years ago yet, so...!


 

Update: April 11/24


Here is a screenshot of that Facebook message I mention above ... although I made it perfectly clear I had enough of him at the beginning of 2006, he would still show up in the middle of the night at my place when I still lived in downtown Ottawa, even after he had gotten married in 2007, although they lived in the far East end. He'd drop by or contact me quite regularly until fall of 2010 when I moved far Southwest of Ottawa and never spoke with him again.


...just look at the date on the screenshot...9 years later...creepy right....


He moved to my end of the city despite his family all living East of town, plus he even volunteered for the same cat sanctuary I had volunteered with ... because it's the only cat sanctuary in Ottawa?! ... Creep ...


Screenshot
It's Complicated

 

The second one, I call Danik in my writing, would come to my place after I'd tell him I didn't want to see him ever again and he would have his crocodile tears just pouring until soft hearted me was made to feel bad for him. He would start pressuring for a hug, just like the Jake character in the movie, and then he'd get all frisky trying to lead into the same scenario as the movie...every time...and I would sadly and spinelessly give in. I just so much wanted to be loved, and really had no idea what that even was, so I took this gaslighting and love bombing as such.


So, while I watched this movie, now that I have boundaries and self-respect, I was really getting triggered and getting super mad at Jake for his very inappropriate, very pushy, very abusive behaviour. And I'd tell Jane to run, get rid of him, that he's a terrible person, that she shouldn't do this to herself. That he just wants her back because his mistake, that he cheated on her with and married, was a very big mistake. He's just going to sucker Jane back into their old ways and he'll go back out on the prowl once he's tied her down and then screw her over, again.


I could see both Stefan and Danik in the character Jake and I began to really hate him...and again, spoiler alert, he ends up alone. Both his ex-wife and current wife turn their backs on him...phew! He didn't deserve either of them...even if his second wife was pretty awful, that was his karma for cheating on his first wife in the first place.


 

Side note: my thoughtful boyfriend kept telling me to change the movie to something else so I wouldn't be triggered, but I really needed to see how it ended and I'm glad I did because that is how it should have been, Jake left all alone with his own mess.


 

I love this farm so much!! Living here makes up for all the crap I had to endure in my lifetime!


Panoramic view of barnyard and farmhouse
It's Complicated




 



The first picture is from Mar 24/24 at 11pm, the moon is just above the house, the second is from around 6am on the 25th, and the third is almost 6pm in the same spot just behind the small garage...I thought it was neat to have a shot of the moon and then the sun in the same location, both reflecting off the water.

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