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Tinnitus

Updated: May 13

 

March 4, 2024


It was an absolutely gorgeous day today!!! There wasn't even much of a slight breeze.



I went up to the campsite but laid on the sand hill across from it as it was already nice and dry. That's one of the hayfields ahead from where I am laying. I took off my boots as well so I could Ground while meditating. I brought up my journal too and wrote about another topic I will discuss later in a different blog.


Today though, I want to talk about Tinnitus!


It was so quiet today! Yes, my road is busy, especially for a country road, and I can hear the freeway off in the distance, but it was still basically quite quiet. I heard the crows following me around seeing if I was going to leave them some food, far up I could hear Canadian geese flying home, and around me I could hear the awesome Chickadees that I love so much calling out to one another. But other than that, there really wasn't much other sounds going on...except of course...the constant ringing in my right ear...the Tinnitus that is always ever present.


Outside on a quiet day like this I can almost separate from it, focus on my breath and listen for the birds, but oddly when I am in the house it becomes more intense. I write in my kitchen, it is the warmest and best lit room in the house, plus it has a great big table that I can stretch my books over, but it also has four regular noise makers. One isn't too bad, it's the fridge and it isn't on for long, but in the summer when it is quiet in here, it becomes the most annoying sound. While I write I become super focused and don't realize the fridge is running until it shuts off and it truly feels like a pressure suit has been removed from my entire body when it does shut off. I just feel my body slump into relaxed mode, it's unbelievable how that noise grates on me and I don't even notice it until it stops.


The second is the wheezing fan of my laptop, it just irritates me, and I don't even realize then suddenly it's there chewing at my brain giving me a headache (more so of a headache...I always have a headache.)


Third, I can hear the furnace in the background turning on, it's not that bad compared to the fourth noise but it is there and maybe even escalates the fourth noise.


The fourth, and worst, is the pellet stove. Now, I am super grateful for the stove, and I am not complaining because it is easy to run and keeps this part of the house so nice and warm...but...omg the noise...the constant running hum of the fans gnaw and gnaw at me...my head feels full, body is always tight and my jaw is sore from clenching that I try not to do but again, when I write I become super focused and forget what else is happening. When I go to a quiet room, I then notice the ringing in my ears has become so loud, piercing even, almost like I've been sitting by the stage at a very active concert, but nope, just sitting in my kitchen, writing. I have had this for a good twenty years, probably longer but never realized it was not normal...and the only thing I have found to alleviate it some, is being outside on a quiet day, meditating, trying to escape my head...it truly is quite exhausting listening to constant noise all day every day.


 


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